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The Complete Freaky Tales

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Too $hort – “Freaky Tales (Extended Extended Remix)

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Too $hort – “Freaky Tales (Bonus Bass Mix)

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from Freaky Tales: The Untold Story Part 1 12″ (Dangerous Music, Jive, 1988)

Too $hort – “Freaky Tales Pt. 2

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from Freaky Tales: The Saga Continues Part II 12″ (Dangerous Music/Jive, 1988)

Too $hort – “Cocktales

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from Cocktales (Jive, 1995)

Too $hort – “More Freaky Tales

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from Can’t Stay Away (Jive, 1999)

When Too Short first conceptualized “Freaky Tales” he was still signed to 75 Girls Records and the original plan was to write a rapp for each and every one of those girls. (Hence, Rachel, whose lips are on top of his label.) On the album version he mentions several of these ladies: Joan, Anne, Red, Mary, Denise, Lori and Lisa (twins), Michelle, Tammy, Jane, Pam, Jane, Betty, Donna, Betty-Jo, Renee, Linell, Yvonne, the unammed hooker who did it for free on the Foothill Bus #43, Antoinette, Rita, Sharon, Grace, Belinda the Blender, the unnamed girl who looked like Olive Oyl, Anita, Roshawn, Roshawn’s mom, Sharee, Yolanda, Kitty, Rose, Janet, Bunny, Shirley, Rachel and Laverne, but that only adds up to 38. The 12″ remix extends the album version by two minutes, and another minute and a half “Bonus Bass Mix.” But this extra space is filled with overdubs and “underdubs*,” not freaks, lizards and tenders.

It was on a separate 12″, Part 2: The Saga Continutes, where Pat, Christine, Tina the Sperm Cleaner, Angie Smith*, some freak in the front tryin feel on his balls, Lynette, unnamed big freak who shouldn’t complain, Denine, Latrese, Lashawn, Latrelle, Lenette, Naomi, Vicki, the unammed headbopper from Lakeview, Yvette, Joyce, Dawn, Kathy, Kate, “Lips,” Arlene, Sharee, Nicole and Lucy are added to his list. That still puts us at just 63. But wait, near the end of the record he sends a series of shoutouts related to his new label deal. And when you factor in Jive/RCA, Richard Smith, Phil, RJ, Moe, Kool Kim, Vic, Tommy, Sylvia, Lydia, Snooky Snooky & Barry Weiss you end up at an even 75. Yes, he was freaking the label and many of their employees. Metaphorically, I hope.

For good measure I upped two later followups. The Can’t Stay Away redux “More Freaky Tales,” in which Theresa, Nina, Melina, Sabrina, Tina, Holly, Amber, Wendy, Shante, Terri, Jennifer, Cindy, Amy, Monique, April, Natalie, Sharon and Karen (second set of twins), Charlene, and Mia get it and “Cocktales” from the album of the same name, which actually recycles a lot of the lines and freaks from “Part 2″ – Denine, Naomi, Vicki, Tina the Sperm Cleaner and Kathy return but also adds newcomers Marie, Annette, Joanne, Christina, Stephanie, Nicole, Angie, Tamra, Raquelle, Sherry and Erica are to the roster.

* “You know what I mean, Vern?”
** The only last name mentioned in the entire “Freaky Tales” saga. Angie Smith should be proud.

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24 Responses to “The Complete Freaky Tales”

  1. DNIRO Says:

    I remember hearing when i was in high school there was a Freaky Tales 2 but i could never find it. Bout 12-13yrs ago i was at an old bookstore i used to dig for records at and sure enuff i found it for 2.99…From what i read i think in Murder Dog I think Short said that he didnt even know that it existed, until he saw some kid with it at a show or something like that.

  2. DJ BackBone Says:

    we ain’t gonna stop till the panties drop…=) BBBIIITTTCCCHHH!

  3. barns Says:

    Nice, I needed this for sure. CokeBlunts is back with a vengeance.

    Interesting that Holly was/(is?) a Gemini.

  4. Crimson Says:

    *Downloads tracks, imports to Serato, gets ready for next night at Easy Lounge in Oakland.*

  5. TSF Says:

    This is one of those joints that stands alone. You can’t compare it to anything else, it’s its own thing and there are thousands of impostors.

  6. MF Says:

    Tina The Sperm Cleaner = marriage material.

  7. Trey Says:

    Crimson, you play on Thursday nights there?

  8. sherm heron pcp daisy hyacinth petunia Says:

    choot, fuck the lake, but if it goes down like that ill check it out. easy lounge huh? if theres hexxa hipsters imma be rude as fuck to em tho.

  9. sherm heron pcp daisy hyacinth petunia Says:

    CAWTDAMNIT if anyone has extra nicky smoov-e and jack tixxxx get at me tempirairy@hotmail.com

  10. Crimson Says:

    @Trey, no, I do Saturdays sometimes. It’s Max Kane’s night but he calls me to fill in when he’s busy.

    @Sherm no hipsters at Easy. It’s usually about 85% black. We try to keep it g&s but it would be a sin to not play old Too Short.

  11. sherm heron pcp daisy hyacinth petunia Says:

    word, ill scope. ill be rockin a sharx fitted, look out for me.

  12. Smash Simmons Says:

    Word to the Fonz…Classic Tales..

  13. nico Says:

    dope as post right hurr. Thanks for the history nozley.

  14. scjoha Says:

    Nice, didn’t know those mixes from 88. Thanks!
    I would love to hear “Too Short – “Whip It“ from Whip It 12? (75 Girls, 1985)” which you posted in 2004. Nowhere else to be found via google. Can you recommend any other search engines – search methods on the net for rare stuff?

  15. kyle Says:

    Cocktales – sleeper pick for best Too $hort album of all time?

  16. Greg Calloway Says:

    I’ll never forget the first time I heard Cocktails. I was at a friends house. I was in middle school at the time. Classic! Great job Too Short and great signing Barry Weiss!

    Greg Calloway

  17. WILL Says:

    I feel old.

  18. Marion Frontera Says:

    Interesting post man Thank you

  19. Internet User Says:

    I”d very much like to hear Whip It too!

  20. Internet User Says:

    http://rapidshare.com/#!download|499tl|421354759|TSWIbGRV1F.rar|21739

  21. Internet User Says:

    password = sound.to

  22. THESE ARE THE TALES « DRIVE SLOW Says:

    [...] of the “Freaky Tales” saga, with full versions of all the songs included, check out Andrew Noz’s in-depth research.  And if you wanna see the man himself lay out the history of the original track, you have to [...]

  23. Olly Says:

    Can’t get enough of $horty. What is the mp3 player you guys use?

  24. Hashtags and Heartbreak: Iamsu!, Sage the Gemini, and the Bay Area’s New … | officialdancechart.co.uk Says:

    […] out here from the start,” Su tells me as we cross the Bay Bridge. “If you look at how Too $hort’s ‘Freaky Tales’ sounded, it’s the same [as] a Mustard record or a record I’d produce. It had the same […]

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