The Complete Freaky Tales
Too $hort – “Freaky Tales (Extended Extended Remix)“
Too $hort – “Freaky Tales (Bonus Bass Mix)“
from Freaky Tales: The Untold Story Part 1 12″ (Dangerous Music, Jive, 1988)
Too $hort – “Freaky Tales Pt. 2“
from Freaky Tales: The Saga Continues Part II 12″ (Dangerous Music/Jive, 1988)
Too $hort – “Cocktales“
from Cocktales (Jive, 1995)
Too $hort – “More Freaky Tales“
from Can’t Stay Away (Jive, 1999)
When Too Short first conceptualized “Freaky Tales” he was still signed to 75 Girls Records and the original plan was to write a rapp for each and every one of those girls. (Hence, Rachel, whose lips are on top of his label.) On the album version he mentions several of these ladies: Joan, Anne, Red, Mary, Denise, Lori and Lisa (twins), Michelle, Tammy, Jane, Pam, Jane, Betty, Donna, Betty-Jo, Renee, Linell, Yvonne, the unammed hooker who did it for free on the Foothill Bus #43, Antoinette, Rita, Sharon, Grace, Belinda the Blender, the unnamed girl who looked like Olive Oyl, Anita, Roshawn, Roshawn’s mom, Sharee, Yolanda, Kitty, Rose, Janet, Bunny, Shirley, Rachel and Laverne, but that only adds up to 38. The 12″ remix extends the album version by two minutes, and another minute and a half “Bonus Bass Mix.” But this extra space is filled with overdubs and “underdubs*,” not freaks, lizards and tenders.
It was on a separate 12″, Part 2: The Saga Continutes, where Pat, Christine, Tina the Sperm Cleaner, Angie Smith*, some freak in the front tryin feel on his balls, Lynette, unnamed big freak who shouldn’t complain, Denine, Latrese, Lashawn, Latrelle, Lenette, Naomi, Vicki, the unammed headbopper from Lakeview, Yvette, Joyce, Dawn, Kathy, Kate, “Lips,” Arlene, Sharee, Nicole and Lucy are added to his list. That still puts us at just 63. But wait, near the end of the record he sends a series of shoutouts related to his new label deal. And when you factor in Jive/RCA, Richard Smith, Phil, RJ, Moe, Kool Kim, Vic, Tommy, Sylvia, Lydia, Snooky Snooky & Barry Weiss you end up at an even 75. Yes, he was freaking the label and many of their employees. Metaphorically, I hope.
For good measure I upped two later followups. The Can’t Stay Away redux “More Freaky Tales,” in which Theresa, Nina, Melina, Sabrina, Tina, Holly, Amber, Wendy, Shante, Terri, Jennifer, Cindy, Amy, Monique, April, Natalie, Sharon and Karen (second set of twins), Charlene, and Mia get it and “Cocktales” from the album of the same name, which actually recycles a lot of the lines and freaks from “Part 2” – Denine, Naomi, Vicki, Tina the Sperm Cleaner and Kathy return but also adds newcomers Marie, Annette, Joanne, Christina, Stephanie, Nicole, Angie, Tamra, Raquelle, Sherry and Erica are to the roster.
* “You know what I mean, Vern?”
** The only last name mentioned in the entire “Freaky Tales” saga. Angie Smith should be proud.