Cocaine Blunts’ COLDEST MCs IN THE GAME
Not cold meaning good, but cold meaning “met with indifference from the public.” MTV has once again done rap listeners a great service by telling us which rappers we already anticipate, CB will now do the opposite and remind you of the rappers you consistently overlook. Some of these are great rappers who are recording great music. Some are once great rappers recording bad music. Some of them never should have rapped in the first place and deserve every ounce of non-acclaim they’ve ever received. I don’t really intend to kick dirt in the faces of up and comers (or down and goers) so mostly these are still fairly established acts who are were at least signed to major labels within the past few years. Yes, Big Bank Hank and Seff The Gaffler and Mr. Complex aren’t very hot right now, but that’s not really what we’re talking about. Nor are we looking at one hit wonders, because they are what they are.
10. 50 Cent
This may seem counterintuitive to MTV’s #9 ranking. But guess what, MTV is wrong. (Or maybe there are only 19 rappers total, I forget.) 50 has definitely had an interesting year especially in web terms, releasing at least one pretty solid mixtape and continuing his string of hilarious internet meme videos but over in real life the man silences apiaries he has so little buzz. Maybe things are different in New York. They do seem to like that Jay-Z song about New York there. And Fabolous. But here in THE REST OF THE WORLD, the only time the name 50 Cent comes up is when a white person is saying it so they can ironically drop the second F or when a blog is linking back to a humorous video from ThisIs50.com.
9. Memphis Bleek
Too easy.
8. M.O.P.
Cursed by the double hex of being signed to both Roc-A-Fella and G-Unit, the Brownsville duo barely cracked the 2k mark with their follow up to the top-5-of-the-decade masterpiece Warriorz. It’s sad to say but they are now trapped in the wrong era. Rap fans hate energy in 2009.
7. The Clipse
I’ve warned about the fleeting nature of hipster love before. The Clipse’s biggest mistake lies in still trying to make hits. Hipsters hate hits that were intended to be hits. The best business move for them right now would be to make a record that nobody can dance to or sing along with and then let the kids in the above American Apparel ads feel good about themselves after they figure out a way to dance to it and sing along, in spite of rhythm.
6. Big Boi
I don’t think this is what Big he meant when he claimed cooler than a polar bears toenails so many years ago. While his rhyme partner’s stock has soared as he raps less, Big’s has dwindled to nearly nothing. It’s like he’s being punished for simply rapping well regularly. Despite a string of great singles and leaks, his Sir Luscious Left Foot has unceremoniously been kicked around and indefinitely delayed for well over a year. Only in hip hop can a man whose group sold ten million records not even get a release date. Sir Luscious Paul McCartney drops self indulgent solo albums whenever the hell he wants.
5. Saigon
He is still waiting for his invite to Slaughterhouse to come in the mail.
4. Lil Flip
Flip still hasn’t recovered from Tip’s lashing and/or the AIDS rumors. (I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there’s something saliently pauseworthy about the previous sentence.)
3. Fat Joe
The only reason you know Fat Joe has a new album out is because another artist on this list told you not to buy it. Like two negatives equal a positive, two buzzless rappers equal awareness. And 50 doesn’t even know the name of the record. He just calls it (in quotes) “Fat Joe’s Record.”
2. Charles Hamilton
This guys career is like a living mythbuster for organic blog buzz. You piss off the wrong people, get dropped from your label and suddenly your blog presence disappears entirely. No payola, of course. Bloggers just pay attention to what is presented to them. (We could easily swap The Cool Kids, The Knux or Mickey Factz into this slot and you wouldn’t even notice.)
1. Ace Hood
The lack of interest in this man’s career can only be described in five words, and then mashed into one word, and then placed next to a hash tag: #uknowuacehood. Never has the hip hop community united under one shared belief as closely as that fateful day when the good folks from itsthereal turned Twitter into a giant unidirectional game of the dozens aimed squarely at Ace’s irrelevance. Seeing the non-anticipation of Ace Hood hit Twitter’s trending topics was probably what hearing “Self Destruction” for the first time in 1989 felt like. And after it was over we all went back to not caring about Ace Hood.
October 5th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Hilarious! Great post.
October 5th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Rap fans hate energy in 2009.
And, indeed, the generic tin-eared production you’d expect to hear on a cd from a member of Slaughterhouse.
A shame because Fame was knockin’ out banger after banger through ‘05 to ‘07 and M.O.P’s career was based on a bedrock of great production.
October 5th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
I like(d?) Mickey Factz, though.
Kid had joints in ‘08.
October 5th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Lol
“Keep Goin!”- JayZ (What We Do)
October 5th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Damn, the Roots can’t even make a who’s COLD rap list. (See: How I got over?) Cosign all artists and opinions above except……..I wore out and continue to wear out Warriorz but I don’t even think Fame Danze or Primo would call it a top 5 of the decade masterpiece. Definitely exemplary high octane late New York grime but those 19 tracks aren’t what I’d call a perfect sitting. As the duo say themselves, Calm Down.
October 5th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Nice list… really a shame about Big Boi. People don’t give him enough credit within the Outkast paradigm. They think it’s all Andre. But they wrong.
October 5th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
MF – sure, the production was weak, but do you think that better production would have changed the fate of that album at all? There’s not a lot of room for an MOP in modern day hip hop.
October 5th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
True, but better beats = good songs, and i’m sure it would’ve sold a few more copies than 2k if the album actually knocked.
M.O.P albums are a lot of things, but they’re not usually boring.
October 5th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
You should do more funny posts like this.
October 5th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
There was a rumor Flip had AIDS? Does anybody want to fill me in?
October 5th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
“in real life the man silences apiaries he has so little buzz.”
Funniest thing I’ve read all day!
October 5th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Hopefully u can do a part 2, or an ongoing feature.
Here are some of my picks…
what about Living Legends? how bout Grapfh(i hate the way he spells)? Jim Jones/Julez Santana? Guru’s solo career? Lloyd Banks? Kurupt?Dj Quik? (which is a shame btw)
p.s Mickey Fackz or whatever had the funniest/shook face ever when Raekwon’s goon’s barged in on him & Joe Buddens.
October 5th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
The Knux can only be spoken of in extremes. The single was GREAT. The album was HORRIBLE.
I guess Busta and Snoop have been in this position for so long that it’s redundant even to mention them?
October 5th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
good call on ace hood. I tried to get with him cause i like to check for local/south florida acts. Of the handful I heard, there was maybe one passionate/not-generic verse and I only liked it because it reminded me of Brisco. He is like the south fl rapper minus everything compelling, interesting, entertaining, etc. The video he did with football players is a good example of this. I would not be surprised if he doesn’t have any actual fans.
October 5th, 2009 at 8:47 pm
Fuck lil flipper. What about David Banner? Then, I guess the real heads still check
October 5th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
this was a hla funny post
“Yes, Big Bank Hank and Seff The Gaffler and Mr. Complex aren’t very hot right now”
i used 2 kik it wit seff the gaffler’s daughter haha thats some funny shit to see online
i think mop and big boi r the only ones im still putting faith in
October 5th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
o and warriorz is definitely a top 5 of the decade masterpiece
October 5th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
oh, wait. I just saw him all over fader
October 5th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
yeah, mo’ peez and big boi are the only ones still worth their salt.
October 5th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
I know its Memphis Bleek but really, he really made that commercial. If it was not so easy he should def be #1 on this list. Garnier Fructis? Da Fuck!
October 5th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
chuuuuuuch
October 6th, 2009 at 2:20 am
[...] 5. If you would rather read MTV’s list of the Hottest MC’s In The Game, go right ahead, we’re not stopping you. Personally we’d rather peruse the Coldest MC’s In The Game. Noz on the Clipse; “The best business move for them right now would be to make a record that nobody can dance to or sing along with and then let the kids in the above American Apparel ads feel good about themselves after they figure out a way to dance to it and sing along, in spite of rhythm.” [Cocaine Blunts] [...]
October 6th, 2009 at 9:06 am
I just looked up that Memphis Bleek commercial. I don’t know what’s worse – the fact that he did it, or the fact that I had to watch like three minutes of that ridiculous thing before I heard him rap. Seriously, who’s the target demo for that? What 15 year old girl is gonna be like, “Oh! It’s that dude from ‘Coming of Age’!”
It’s weird to me that Big Boi’s album can’t get a release. They still play “The Way You Move” on B96. Like every day.
October 6th, 2009 at 11:57 am
I don’t think lack of interest is the main reason why big boi’s album is steaditly postponed. I think there’s label issues. (he was supposed to drop it on def jam, then wasn’t, etc…)
October 6th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
10. most of us on the westcoast new he was whack from the get.
9. see above
8. its not energy i dont like..its rappers just yelling into the mic whats the point ..i like that whisper style better what can i say….and i didnt like yelling in 1999 either…it worked in 1989 when the beasties did it but thats about it.
7. they didnt have to go the hipster route tho…i feel bad cuz the labels fucked up some dope emceees…skater rap: another style from 1989 the kids wanna byte
6. outkast needs to get back to that funk plain and simple. hopefully they work with organized noise again…3 classics and some party tunes is a legendary career tho im not even sure big boi still trying to be “hot”
5. the question is who paid for saigons buzz in the 1stplace….hes a regional rapper and ny is less and less a region people checking for
4. i think you did put your finger on it haha
3. not unlike the jay z /nas beef, im begining to think fat joe/ 50 beef was created in a boardroom to create a so called buzz
2. bun fire pon di alla dem botti boi rap trend dem. ya see mi a seh?
1. who the fuck is ace hood?
funny list you got here
October 6th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
Field Mob, anyone?
October 6th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
One could make a good case for the entire Disturbing The Peace roster, aside from Luda.
October 7th, 2009 at 3:19 am
I-20 LOLLLLLLL..Could someone get this cunrt some constipated medicine?
October 7th, 2009 at 8:07 am
Ace Hood’s album was fire but yeah he aint got no buzz
October 7th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Good post. Regarding Big Boi, it probably wasn’t the best move releasing a video for this boring dud of a song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECD9nw4sqd0