
Someone once said that the worst thing about climbing a mountain is that once you reach to top there’s nowhere else to go. Well, I don’t know what the hell that means. I think it has something to do with camping. What I do know is that last night I went and saw Handsome Boy Modeling School. But not because I was anticipating great music (shit o-dub panned the show, and he usually loves everything, even quasimoto).
I was a big fan of Get A Life and the humor aspect of the handsome boy records always always appealed to me more than the actual music. I guess it’s cool to have el-p and alec empire or whoever together on the same track, but I don’t really care about either of them all that much when they’re on separate tracks, so putting them together isn’t much of a draw in my opinion. So yeah, I came out to hear some jokes! Which was probably the best way to approach this show.
First of all I was immediately shocked at how large of a crowd there was. Being a Sunday night and the fact that I haven’t really heard anybody talk about this record all that much, I only expected a moderate turn out. Shit, I only went because it was comped. But the 930 club was pretty damn packed, with the White People tour living up to it’s name. There were a handful of those stupid tribal raver cats that serg was screaming on, a lot of heads in Hiero t-shirts (How are you gonna get handsome when that del shirt is so 1998), and a bunch of white people who were crossing their fingers that Jack Johnson would make a surprise appearance. Some guys were also yelling Kool Keith, for some reason (oh that’s right, didn’t Automator make an album with him once?).
There was a guitarist (with drawn on mustache), a very attractive female on bass and a dude on keyboards. But none of them really seemed to be doing all that much, or maybe i just wasn’t paying attention. Paul & The Automator came out, appropriately with their fake mustaches and cigars and pipes. There was also a large screen playing videos of lame shockwave style cartoons of all the vocalists from the albums interspersed with random footage of motorcycles, classic b-boys in reverse, donatella versace smoking cigarettes and paul and nakumura serving caviar in their handsome boy garb and such. The footage was hilarious, the cartoons, less so. Animating the musicians probably seemed like a good concept, but it was so poorly executed (their lips only partially synced up with the music!) that it just made things worse. I think they were cutting shit up with one of those dvd dj joints, which are really cool.
As far as the jokes/interludes go Prince Paul was in his element and it was nice to see that the man who’s provided so much entertainment via studio skits is able to translate that skill into a live performance. For a producer he’s a pretty charismatic dude. I was most struck by his dedication to saying “VAN DAMME” a lot in a true native tongues style (he also dropped a “vanglorious” as well, word to the red black and the green with a key). The Automator was way less comfortable on stage. He was kinda murmuring but he did wreck shop when it came to the turntablist department.
They brought out a bunch of Handsome Boy graduates -
Mr. Dead was the first to come out, rocking glasses and wig (for a split second i thought it was Biz Markie, but then I realized he was way to thin to be the Biz). I’m not really sure what his story is, I only vaguely remember that Metabolics record, and it’s probably better that way. But I will say this – homie’s got jokes. He really stole the show with an intermittent routine where he’d pull people up on the stage and make them ‘handsome’, which mostly consisted of drawing fake mustaches on the guys and talking about the ladies breasteses. And he put on a Zoolander style walk off to Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”.
Casual was there, who i was excited to see. He did his song from the Handsome Boy album and “Get Down”, that alchemist cut from his last record. I was hoping he’d do some older material, but whatever, he was a nice addition. I really didn’t expect anybody even remotely interesting to be there. Domino from Hiero was in the building as well, not doing anything.
Josh Haden came out and looked uncomfortable for his few songs. What’s that guys deal? He didn’t exactly exude the self confidence that the handsome boy program promotes. Paul did say “if i was a white person i’d look like this guy”.
Dres from Black Sheep came out last and performed “Choice Is Yours” and only about 20% of the crowd even knew that shit. Now look, I am hip hop elitist, but I hardly think it’s outrageous to expect anyone with even a mild exposure to the genre to know this song. It was a GIANT FUCKING hit. DO YOUR FUCKING HOMEWORK. If you are at a hip hop show and you do not absolutely start going buckwild as soon as the “Choice Is Yours” bassline drops, you probably should not be at a hip hop show. Sorry kids. I felt bad for Dres. He even prefaced it by saying “a lot of you probably don’t even know this song”. Which is just a damn shame. But really, would you expect anything less from WHITE PEOPLE?
Guests aside, the music was mostly really boring. Paul & Dan were at the far back of the stage behind a table of equipment and it was hard to tell what they were doing, if anything at all. Most of the show I was just waiting for the music to end so they could get on to more jokes. They really should just cut the show down to a Paul & Mr. Dead stand up tour with Casual and Dres opening.
At the very least I can add handsome boy modeling school graduate to my resume. I got my $60 worth.